Did you ever ask your mother for something over and over even though she kept saying no? And finally you asked "But why?" just to hear her reply "Because I said so?" [with THAT look that dared you to go any further.]
Just me? Riiiiight, okay. Sure. [winkie winkie]
I must have done that a thousand times. So annoying! (Her, not me, of course. Soooo not the answer I was looking for) I was smart enough to know that was the end of it - at least for a few minutes.
Luckily, I still have a little bit - okay, a lot - of that stubbornness about me. A true Taurus!
It comes in handy when coaching folks. Yes, I help people get what they want. But it’s so much more than that.
Clients want things - to achieve their goals and desired outcomes. It's why they hire a coach! They want something and either think they can't get it on their own, they aren't sure HOW to get it, they know they can get it faster with a coach, or they just feel stuck in general and need some nudging and prompting.
In order for the client...[screeching halt]...Actually, let's talk about YOU!
YOU want things; you're motivated for things. Yes?
Why? ...because of what it gets you, how it makes you feel. And to be the person who did it. YES! [fist pump]
I'm sure the phrase "because why?" is driving an English teacher somewhere cray-ZEE but I like to use it anyway. You can use it - you have my full permission - to peel back the layers and figure out your leverage for wanting said thing. Why peel back the layers? To get to the bottom of it. Because it increases the odds you'll stick with it and do it.
I looks a little like this...
I want X because… And I want THAT because… And I want THAT because... Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Eventually - you get down to what you REALLY want - not just the surface thing. Although surface things are cool. Hot body, Fat bank account. Driving badass cars. I'll take two!
But usually, it's not really the surface thing we want. What we're really salivating over (beside those super-cute sandals and a trip to Italy) is the FEELING we think having it will give us. It's the FEELING we're really after.
Ironically - once we have the FEELING we were after, the surface thing happens naturally and as a result of having the feeling. And usually we're looking to the surface desire as a means to create the feeling. It doesn't work that way.
It's quite the disappointment sometimes. You think that getting that new shiny car will do the trick - and maybe it does for a brief time. But it's not lasting. Same with that tub of ice cream. Same with the shopping spree you couldn't really afford. Same with the binge drinking.
Generate the feeling first, then the thing appears.
Repeat after me: I have so BECAUSE I felt so.
Still annoying - yet still true.
I have a hot body because I feel hot and sexy which creates a feeling of me wanting to move my body. My income catches up with my desires because I am in constant abundance and gratitude. I am loved by a wonderful man because I became the love I wanted to receive.
Practice the feeling just like you'd practice a golf swing. Groove in the emotions and feelings you want. BE those feelings and emotions through incantations, journaling, thinking time, priming, I AM statements, reading, moving your body, staying hydrated, and asking powerful questions that direct your focus to where you want it to go.
Still have your surface goals but be super clear WHY you want them and what emotions you hope to elicit by having them - now you know the starting point.
BTW - surface goals can be the reward you get from doing the work that it takes to get there. A hot body can be the reward you receive for the feeling of well being that comes from the commitment to a healthy lifestyle.
When you decide to embrace the work - and deliberately choose the emotion behind the work - to get to an outcome, you get to enjoy the journey - SWEET!
[Journal Prompt] What is the emotion that - if I tapped into it daily - would get me to my goal the fastest?
Today is the day to #GoForIt and #LiveDeliberately.
Founder, Personal Evolution Co.
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