It's so frustrating to want something so bad that you can taste it - obsess about it, allow it to rule your thoughts way too much - and still not have it.
Has this ever happened to you?
I mean - absolutely draw your line in the sand about it and with complete and absolute certainty make up your mind to handle it once and for all. Mad. 😡Indignant, even. And then just relent and do the opposite behavior of the one needed to reach your all-so-important goal? And that's all in the course of one day! Then to know it happens almost daily??? WTF!?!
And the beating up of yourself because of it...incessant. And not helpful in the long run, by the way, as it chips away at your identity, your pride, and your confidence.
You know that. Yet the cycle persists anyway.
Instinctually, and for self preservation, you may default to calling out all the things and people that are standing in your way, pointing out every behavior and influence that OTHER people and situations have on your behavior.
That lady at the office keeps bringing in brownies and I don't want to hurt her feelings by not eating them.
I want to train for a marathon but my kids expect me to prepare their breakfast before school.
I want to start a business but my associate isn't ready yet.
I want to learn to meditate but my husband rolls his eyes when I mention it.
I want to read more but haven't gotten around to it.
I want to be fully present with my kids in the evenings but I keep getting interrupted by work calls and emails.
You may default to excuses, feelings or other victim-talk.
I just don't even think. Before I know it a box of miniature Snickers are gone!
I can't help myself. When I see an episode of Blacklist is out, I feel compelled to stop what I'm doing and watch it.
I can't help it that my boss expects this stuff done by Monday.
It is so much easier to cast the blame onto someone or something other than ourselves. But alas...(you know where this is heading)... it's not their fault. You know this is true.
It's also true that all of those things are still very real impediments to your success. Or so you think. It feels true enough.
What the above scenarios have in common is that the speaker of those sentences is giving away all their power. To cast blame is to cast power. Blame someone else for your results or your circumstances and you are at their mercy to change your life. I don't know about you, but that's a no-go for me.
Take your power back.
Start with separating yourself from your actions. Your actions and reactions are what create your results, true. YOU don't have to shoulder "blame." Your ACTIONS shoulder the blame. You can shoulder responsibility for your actions, which are really just choices...choices that will change the instant you decide for them to change.
How do you make different choices?
It starts with brutal honesty - honesty about yourself and the choices you've made up until now. And it takes totally shouldering YOUR PART in those choices and actions.
That could sound something like...
I have chosen to eat the office brownies because I felt that would gain me connection to the person that brought them and/or the team in general. I chose to eat them because I assumed not eating them would bring about negative consequences. Furthermore, I perceived those consequences to be worse that saying "no thank you." I ate brownies because I placed more emphasis on feeling good for those 3 short minutes than I did sticking to my nutrition plan. I saw the brownies as a gift to myself, greater than the gift of losing 1-2 pounds this week.
I have chosen to delay starting my business because I feel I can't do it without my associate's help and support. I have chosen to allow my own fear, self-doubt and low self-confidence to put my dream on the back burner and at the whim of someone else who may never actually take action on it.
THAT'S some brutal honesty but oh-so-powerful in setting you up to take different action in the future. And it's this brutal honesty and reflection that is a crucial step in turning that obsession of yours around.
So get off the roller-coaster, take a deep breath and identify, honestly, the choices YOU have made that have gotten you these results.
Now release it. Watch it float up to the sky as if in a helium balloon until it disappears from sight.
No more beating yourself up. No more feeling like a failure. No more chipping away at internal resources such as confidence.
You've been making some poor choices that have gotten you poor results. That's it.
Next steps should start to emerge from the fog with this level of honesty about what's really holding you back. Different decisions can be made.
I will say "no, thanks" to the brownies without explanation as it doesn't need one.
I will find other/better ways to connect with teammates than are far more meaningful than eating brownies.
I will work on my mindset through personal development with a coach, reading a book, or other method so that I gain the confidence and courage to act on my own.
I will consider a different business partner.
Don't wait. Act now. Take at least one small step to take action on your decisions.
Today is the day to #GoForIt and LiveDeliberately.
Founder, Personal Evolution Co.
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