It was nine years ago when I Decided

I wrote this on my birthday.

Note to self: Self: don't look for pictures of birthday cake when you're hungry. 

It was nine years ago that I decided to become a life coach.

I wrote a letter to myself before I went on a trip to Death Valley -the lowest point on the continent. And once there, I ceremoniously read this letter aloud and put my flag in the ground, symbolically speaking, right there in the salt flats of Badwater Basin And then I toasted with a glass of champaign with my best friend and witness.

I'm so happy to say that today, everything I wrote about is my reality. 

Here's the letter I wrote (copied and pasted, of course).

I’ll be turning 40 in a couple of weeks. I promise to walk confidently into this stage of my life. It’s now or never to make my mark. I want to make a positive difference in this world and accomplish something important. In order to successfully navigate that journey I must leave behind all negative self-talk. So today I’m going to voice my fears and then bury them out here in this desert; the lowest point on the continent. After all, there is nowhere to go but up from here.

I live with a nagging fear that I’m not good enough; that somehow I am subpar to others. Professionally speaking, I don’t know everything. Would I really be good at my job if I didn’t have a good support staff? (Yes, because I would fix that in quick order) Am I really that good? Or lucky?? (That doesn’t make sense either.) I have 18 years of professional experience that says I am good at what I do. In the romance equation I wonder “What’s wrong with me that I don’t have many dates?” I wonder why I haven’t found Mr. Right. I don’t know the answer to this question. All I can assume is that he is out there and will appear at the right time. Maybe I need to become who I want/need to be before “Mr. Right” is right for me and I for him. Maybe that’s how I’ll find him and maybe that’s why he’ll be attracted to me. God knows best and maybe he needed to keep my path clear. When your intentions/goals are clear, the stars have a way of aligning. I have experienced this before. And I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

I am afraid of failure, especially public failure. And what makes me think that I will fail? How can I expect to achieve great things and never take a mis-step? So what if I do? Have I not learned enough about myself by now to know who I am? And that I am strong? And that I will overcome any obstacle? And that I typically make good decisions? And when am I going to let myself off the hook for not being perfect?

I am afraid of being alone, both personally and professionally. Am I alone in neither. Professionally, there is always someone out there willing to help or a source of knowledge to go to. I must learn to ask myself “What’s the worse thing that can happen?” And would I be able to handle it? Most often, the answer is “yes.” In my personal life, I have an abundance of friends and family that have shown over and over just how much they love me and are willing to be there for me. I am truly blessed with wonderful people in my life.

Financially, I am afraid to give up my safety net, even though my current career does not satisfy me. And I am longing for a professional life that is more like a calling. I want to be passionate and excited about what I do. I want to feel a deep satisfaction. I have a lot to give and want to impact more people. I want to leave a legacy of goal-oriented life. I hope to inspire others to examine what they really want out of life...to design the life of their dreams versus meandering through life finding only crumbs of happiness. Don’t just take what life gives you...live deliberately. No one is going to hand you true happiness on a silver platter. You have to work to even determine what that would look like for yourself.

A wise quote from Alan Cohen: “It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” 

So I’m thinking about being a life coach. I believe this would align me with my deepest beliefs about people and what they are capable of. I can’t think of anything that would give me greater satisfaction. The decision on whether or not to pursue it should have to do with whether or not I want to make it my profession or not; not whether or not I am capable. There’s only one way to find out...give it a try. Goal setting and achieving is something I have done consistently my entire adult life. It’s who I am. I want to inspire others to achieve.

So I will no longer worry that I don’t know it all, or that I’m not good enough, or that I’ll be alone, or that I won’t succeed at it. I will only ask...”What’s the next step?”

So, when I understand what it's like to have doubts and fears, I really do mean I understand; I get it.

I am so far away from the woman who wrote the above letter. I still have doubts and fears but I dive in and trust so much quicker now. 

You CAN do it if you WILL do it. I believe in you.

Today is the day to #GoForIt and #LiveDeliberately (my motto, born in the above letter).

Founder, Personal Evolution Co.